See only the specialities...

In Raja Yoga, we're taught when looking at others to see only their specialities, not their defects. I was just thinking how useful this advice would have been for my past employers. ;) When in employment (or seeking employment) we are groomed as to what employers want to hear - that we are self-motivated, that we are ambitious, that we work well in a team as well as on our own. Based on that description, I'd make the ideal employee. And at the time, I really thought I was. I believed those things about myself because I said it so convincingly in my interviews.

In my last place of full time employment, I became slightly more aware of myself. I discovered I was not really ambitious. I came clean to my employer. He was, I suspect, not terribly ambitious himself, and so he was fine with my declaration. Afterall, to keep me happy, he only needed to call me into his office occassionally, ask me if I'm happy, and tell me I was doing a good job. He was very hands off and that suited me.

After he was made redundant, I got a new boss who was new to management. He went on all the training sessions which taught him how to motivate and move his staff along a career path. Not sure why moving us along a career path was so important. I suspect it was to keep up the firms ratings for being a good employer - everyone has a career path. I just wanted to be told what to do, do it well, and be appreciated. Now I felt I was being forced to be ambitious. But I played along and I went on different training sessions like negotiation skills - which came in handy later when I went back for a contract position and had to negotiate my daily rate. ;)

Being a consultant was great. No boss, just a client. No one pushing me up a career ladder, just someone to tell me what to do, let me do it well and show appreciation each month via my bank account. ;)


So what does this have to do with seeing the specialities? It's a recognition that everyone is different. We're all motivated by different things - and I would argue we're rarely motivated by the self! And to get on with all our different relationships, we have to stop expecting others to fit into our own mold. As a project manager I found there are some who constantly miss the deadline, but they turn out excellent (and, dare I say, flawless) work. There are others who finish timely and, amazingly, accurately. Some are so accurate, they give you exactly what you ask for - so you have to make sure your request is accurate as well! Some are proactive and will check with you first on the finer details.

The point is, once you have discovered a person's speciality, you will then know how to go about making reasonable requests and getting the most out of them. I'm not saying it's easy. But if you're at a loss as to where to start, then start with respect. Respect will get you far and buy you time as you suss out the other's speciality. ;D

You crossed the line...

My husband's God-son wrote a song in his early teens with the above title. It had a hard rock feel to it and the lyrics talked about several cases where someone went a step too far and then the chorus repeated the phrase 'You crossed the line.' It was very clever and catchy - a song that any parent (or God-parent) would be proud of.

When we use the phrase 'crossed the line' we mean traversing from the right side of the line to the wrong side - that some inappropriate act was committed. I'm now going to draw for you another line. This line is drawn higher with an above space and a below space.

Those above the line, you could say, are all-knowing. They see the big picture. Their vision is not limited. For them, it is obvious that we (souls) are eternal. It is obvious that everyone is connected (brothers and sisters). It is obvious that we (souls) already have all that we need. Because of these understandings, those above the line feel secure. They have no fear of loss - they cannot lose anything. They have no desires because for them, they already have everything. They are content and also generous with what they have. They see the big picture and so their motivation is to act in ways that will benefit all.

By contrast, those below the line have a limited knowledge. They do not have the understanding that they are eternal and so they fear death. They do not have the understanding that they have everything already and so they desire a lot and fear the loss of everything they are under the illusion of possessing. Contentment evades them because they always want something more. They cannot be so generous because they see what they have as limited and they don't want to run out. They hold tight to things they cannot really possess and so they miss out on the beautiful gifts that are their birthrights. They do not see everyone as a brother and sister but will treat strangers with suspicion until they can make a valuation based on past but limited experience. They become attached to those things they cannot really possess and so eventual loss brings sorrow.

Which side of the line are you?

I believe children, in their innocence, start out above the line, but then through our well-meaning education, we pull them below. Now, I'm trying to get back to being above the line.

It reminds me of that wall at team-building camps - you can't get over it by yourself, but with the co-operation of many we can all get over it!

A lesson in independence...

Hello everyone! I'm back blogging and it feels great. Have I missed it? Yes. I've had several blogs running through my mind over the past few weeks and had I had time to pen them, I would have. But those tidbits will have to wait until another time.

Recently, a friend of mine asked me, 'How can you remain light when you have to depend on other people?' The answer? Don't be dependent! It was a glib answer and is not so helpful when you consider that the body needs to eat and needs clothing (at least during UK winters), etc. Yes, the body is quite dependent on a lot. But the soul is not dependent on anything. The soul needs nothing. It has no need for food or clothing or cars. It has no use for them even. When I remember that I am a soul and that I am only visiting this body, then I am no longer dependent on anything. Not even the body.

Ok, the soul requires the body for action, etc. But the soul is eternal. Bodies come and go, but the soul lives on regardless. The soul does not NEED action. The soul does not NEED the body. When I have this realization, then I am completely free. I am no longer slave to those things which I felt dependency. I am no longer needing Tom and MySpace. In fact, I no longer NEED to blog!

This is not an easy realization to digest. What does it mean to be soul conscious vs. body conscious? This is where our effort lies. However, when we have that feeling of soul consciousness, there is nothing like it. I wish this feeling for everyone. And then I wish everyone to feel it constantly.

Thanks for your kind emails. All is well and I should be permently moved back into the house by the end of this week.

Apply effort in the RIGHT place and you cannot fail...

This past week was a challenge for me. I was asked to put up four Finnish guests in my unfinished house. The builders said it would be ok, they could easily get the inside walls painted and the the floors varnished by the time the guests arrived. But as the date drew closer, it became clear that the builders were overly optimistic. The inside of the house was still a building site! How could I re-house 4 people at short notice?

I was feeling stressed and a bit overwhelmed with my task. The weekend before they were to arrive it dawned on me - just clear out the back extension (which was currently full of my loft contents) and bed them on two sofa's and two futons. I don't know how I cleared the space - but somehow I managed to create a sleeping area, a dining space and some kitchen area so they could have hot drinks and light foods. The only other remaining matter was the bathroom which I cleaned after the builders left. AND, the builders chose to work outside the following day so that I wouldn't have to re-clean it when they went home.

I observed a few things about myself and others in this scene. Firstly, I was stressing a lot. But when I found a workable solution, the stress melted away and everything became easy. Secondly, when you're thoughtful and respectful of others, you get loads of cooperation. Never did I try to force the builders to stick to their estimates (I'd rather they did the job properly than rush anyway!). Instead I kept them informed, thanked them for their help, and checked with them about any changes. As a result, they worked late to make up for missed hours, worked outside while the guests were in residence and co-operated in so many other ways. Thirdly, instead of trying to make an unworkable solution work, I applied my efforts to finding a workable solution.

This is very different to how I would have operated in the past. I would have been demanding and stressed and made life miserable for as many people as possible. But this new method made everything seem easy and the guests had a nice visit.

Sometimes we get so caught up in making unworkable things work that we don't consider the alternatives. This is when we need to apply effort to come out of the situation, observe it, and make informed choices instead of emotional ones.

Feelings... nothing more than feelings.

Today I was anxious. I had this anxious feeling. It had been plaguing me most of the day. I don't put much stock in feelings - I know they can be misleading. I tried to ignore this feeling and I couldn't, so I decided to take some time out and analyze. I don't often recommend analyzing - it can mean that you go off into wasteful expansion. But I was going into wasteful expansion by not analyzing, so I decided to have a look at where this feeling was coming from.

It was connected with money. Lately I've watched a lot of money leave our account. We're having an extension built, my car just got serviced, and I have an appointment with the accountant to discuss taxes. But it's not just that. I don't get anxious writing checks. I'm not too bothered about paying taxes. But I do get anxious about not knowing how much more will go out. AND having to justify extra expenses.

This anxious feeling was becoming overwhelming. I had discovered the triggered. Now it was time to adjust my perspective. So first, a few facts to consider which I didn't consider when developing my anxious feeling:

1. My justifications are fine if I'm satisfied with them. I don't have to satisfy anyone else.

2. Whilst I should consider care in handling money, if I review my actions and find that I have not erred in my handing of the money, then I should be satisfied with that. Even if I have erred, past is past. Learn the lesson and move on.

3. Make the drama small. This is one scene in the drama. If I attach importance to it and blow it out of proportion, then I will be trapped by all the feelings and emotions that go with it. If I see it as just a temporary passing scene, a part of one whole, then I put it into perspective. It becomes small and insignificant.

This last point is the most important and useful. It doesn't mean that I ignore what's happening with my money, it means that I can rid myself of unhelpful emotions - feelings that stop me getting on with other things. And once that feeling is in check, I can be effective once more.

Thanks for listening - I needed that. ;D

Surrender can be good for the soul...

Surrender. I have to admit, I am not fond of this word. I have always been quite competitive. Not one to surrender but fight to the death - even if we were just playing capture the flag.

In Raja Yoga we're taught to surrender everything. Out of context, it sounds like a cult directive. But when I consider what it really means, a cult directive would be much easier!

In this day and age, there is a lot of sorrow. All of us are looking for happiness, peace, contentment. We're lumbered with diseased bodies and rising crime rates, financial uncertainty and national unrest, and if we're lucky enough to have kept our job, we're having to work extra hard to keep it. Stress is blamed for many of our illnesses, including those that lead to death. So, what chance do we have at true happiness?

The world is offering a lot of happiness. For example, vacations, parties, drugs (medicinal and recreational) - all of these are promises of happiness, but do they deliver? Vacations last 1-2 weeks or, if you're lucky, a bit more. But they do eventually end and you have to eventually face daily life again. Parties are also short lived. And drugs, well, you have to keep taking more and more to get the same levels of 'happiness'. In reality, these are just traps. We think they will give us happiness, so we buy into them, we invest emotionally into them, and then we're left disappointed and feeling like we've not had enough. How do we break out of these traps? Through surrender.

Surrender of what, exactly? Well, it's the ego* that says I need happiness in the form of food, drink, drugs. I need happiness in the form of vacations, sports, video games. I need happiness in the form of MySpace, YouTube, Facebook. As long as we feed ego with these things, ego will want more and more. Ego is never satisfied. Ego grows bigger with each feeding and hungrier as well. And so we end up spending our whole lives to feed ego.

On the other hand, we can surrender ego. Give up this false identity of the self and stop feeding it. The only way to get rid of ego is to starve it. Let it whither away to nothing. And when we do, it will no longer be our master. Surrender does not mean surrendering our possessions, our wealth, our personalities, but surrendering our ego. In Raja Yoga we are taught to use everything in a worthwhile way. Yet ego cannot be used this way, so it's best to just surrender it. And when we do, we are free to be who we really are and to experience constant bliss.

*By ego, I mean the false indentity of the self - often characterised as arrogant, self-centered, selfish, always right, etc. The ego is vulnerable and so we are always ready to protect it (defend it) and preserve it. And it's this need of preserving ego that keeps us trapped.

Writer's Block - what is it telling me?

I've had a few days (more than a few) when I've sat down at the computer and have had nothing to write. All this knowledge at my fingertips and nothing inspires. Other days, I can't stop the ideas. Why is there a difference?

Another example is my daughter who comes home from school after an exciting day - she can't stop talking. Even if what she is saying is pure gibberish or something from the past, all of a sudden it's important and must be told! But she is not like this all the time.

I tend to focus my writings on those things spiritual. I could write about a lot of things, but I choose not to. That's discernment - not a block. I sometimes cheat by telling something about Hana and then relating it to something spiritual. ;D That's also choice. But a block is a block.

A block occurs when the flow from the inspiration to the inspired is cut off. I purposely chose something eternal (Supreme Soul / God) to inspire me to reduce the risks of not having inspiration. So, if the inspiration is eternal, then the block is happening somewhere else - with the inspired. The channel is not open. And this usually happens because of too much garbage. You've heard of garbage in/garbage out? Well, sometimes the garbage doesn't pass out - it gets stuck and creates a block.

How does one clear a block? Well, first of all, don't put in any more garbage! Secondly, sit in meditation and clear out the current garbage. Do this regularly and finally the inspiration will flow again. Just like my daughter's gibberish when she's had a really good day at school!

Election Results

I don't like writing about politics. Partly because I don't feel knowledgeable enough to do so. But more so because people start taking sides. I have some friends who are happy with the American Presidential election results and some who are disheartened. Some comments have been quite passionate and almost scary. Everyone has an opinion. Should I be throwing in one more?

America (my homeland) is a land of extremes. The weather gets very hot in summer and very cold in winter. There are green parks and forests and smoggy cities. There are the Rocky Mountains and the Great Plains. There is great jubilation and cries of distress. Why? It's just one election, one passing scene, one more government process.

Attachment: When we get attached to the results we want, we set ourselves up for a trap. If we fail to get the result we want, our whole world caves in. If we manage to get the desired result, then arrogance can set in - 'Look how I made this happen.' However, if we can remain detached from the results - that is, we choose to be happy and carefree regardless of the results - then we remain strong, stable, and unshakable in any situation.

Choose contentment - be happy.